I had so many rest days last week, so by the weekend I actually felt able to leave the house. Which is good as I had family visiting, so I had a total of 6 hours out the house this weekend!!
I met up with family, including my grandparents who I haven’t seen for at least 4yrs. That was weird & awkward, but nowhere near as bad as I was expecting, we had some nice conversations.
First night we were meeting them for a meal. Because the restaurant was busy my family had been seated in a different room. This room had a different entrance, which wasn’t wheelchair accessible.
Lyle went in to ask if there was a wheelchair accessible way in, & as he was off asking my mum phoned saying it wasn’t wheelchair accessible but “they’d carry me in”. 😱
Before I could say hell no Lyle reappeared with a staff member. I hung up on my mum all flustered. Lyle said “they have a way in for wheelchairs”, so we both assumed that they DID have a ramp or maybe a back way in.
We get to the front entrance (several huge steps) & without a word the staff member disappears. I turn to Lyle & hurriedly whisper “mum-said-they’d-carry-me-in-&-I-don’t-want-that!”
Two guys appear. One holds the door open & the other guy approaches me & says “right let’s lift you in then.”
No explanation of what’s happening, no asking for consent – he comes right into my personal space and starts grabbing at my chair!!
As I’m autistic, this was immediately too much.
I blurt “no!” as he’s grabbing at the arm rests that can’t hold any weight, they just lift up. He then starts saying “I can lift here instead then,” & in my head I’m screaming – “I don’t want lifting you’re too close go away let me think please don’t damage my chair you could drop me!!”
But I can’t say anything because I’ve totally shut down 😫
So then these two guys are staring, one repeatedly saying “do you want lifting in then, yeah?” He’s been super condescending, & he keeps grabbing bits of my chair.
I can’t speak at all. Lyle finally jumps to my rescue & says “no, we’ll go somewhere else thanks”. He wheels me away.
I’m completely shutdown, nonverbal, & can’t respond at all.
Lyle pushes me to a quiet back street & calmly tells me he’s gonna give me space. He goes to the end of the road & calls my dad to explain what’s happened, & say I’m not gonna manage a meal now. I cry & stim. He returns, I manage to communicate I need a hug, then after a while we go to the canal in the dark.
And then there’s this…
1st photo taken on our way in; Lyle moved the sign as otherwise my chair couldn’t get past.
2nd photo taken about 2hrs later – THEY’D MOVED THE SIGN BACK.
Now we’ve had ongoing issues with this takeaway blocking the pavement; Lyle’s had to move the sign more times than I can count, & he’s asked them to please stop blocking the pavement *three* times.
This was not a night for them to be such ableist pricks, Lyle was already furious after the pub BS & this was too much for the gentle giant to ignore 😅
He picked up the sign, took it into the takeaway, & dropped it into the middle of the room. He snapped “my partner’s never gonna be able to get past if you keep blocking the pavement with your car & sign. I’ve asked three fucking times that you stop doing it”, then he left & slammed the door.
Apparently the staff’s faces were amazing 😂