Ugh, life

Tomorrow is Lyle’s actual birthday & I couldn’t be happier we celebrated (repeatedly) earlier, as I am just not in a good place.

I’m hypomanic, & I’m so frustrated with being stuck in bed all the time. I woke up from a big nap today thinking it was morning, & my brain immediately jumped to “I’M LEAVING THE HOUSE TODAY!!” 🙄

Like, no. You can’t, shut up!

Yesterday despite it being a rest day I crashed so bad in the evening, & couldn’t open/control my eyes properly, move, or speak – for several hours I was too exhausted to do anything. I absolutely hate ME, but hypomania in addition is literally the worst…I’ve done really well this month, I’ve only left the house five times, & I don’t want hypomania to ruin that & cause a potentially permanent relapse 😭

Tomorrow Lyle’s going out for a meal with some of his family, & I’m staying home…I’m so jealous 🙄 Hopefully I’ll just be able to sleep.

I feel like soon, life will improve so much – thanks to the OT & grant scheme we’re getting a stairlift (30th of this month), wet room, hand rail, & with savings we recently bought a power pack for my ♿. I’ll almost definitely be able to do more overall with these adaptations to the house, especially as one of the smallest activities that triggers the most fallout is climbing the stairs 2x a day.

However that doesn’t really help when I’m currently irritated af, just want to GET OUT, but my body is incredibly physically exhausted… 😕

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